I worked up the willpower and finally conquered my giant pile of dishes. I was tempted to just leave them in the dishwasher and get detergent in the morning. BUT, that means probably waking up needing some dish that is still dirty, and taking three little boys to the store just to get detergent. And, I thought, I could use some quiet time to myself. A quick trip to the store won't kill me...
As I was getting ready to leave, Colton started following me around (The other 2 were already asleep.) saying, "Go." (Meaning, I wanna go with you!) My first thought was no way! I want time to myself. I want some quiet and I want to be alone. You're just going to have to suck it up, lil man. (I know, it's mean... just bein' honest. :/)
But then I thought, if I leave with him wanting to come, he will just whine and cry for Chris the whole time I'm gone which means that when I come home, he will probably still be awake (...and whiny) and then Chris will be frustrated, and it will be a terrible way to end the night... And, when I looked down at his little face with real tears as he thought I was going to make him stay, my heart softened. And, I just couldn't leave him. So, off to HEB we went.
And y'all, my little boy was such a blessing to me. On our way, I just loved to hear his sweet, little raspy voice telling me about his trucks and his trains. I asked him what he liked best: trains or trucks or Angry Birds? (He likes them all. :)) I was able to tell him that he was our special gift from God. That he was a sweet boy and a great big brother. I was able to just spend time with him. For a short period of time, he wasn't just one of our three boys. He was the only boy.
It cost me the peace and quiet that I wanted for my car ride. It cost me time by myself after spending all day with kids and doing chores. It cost me not getting my way and my plan, but stopping to consider what some one else wanted. It cost me my selfishness.
So often, we miss out on great moments (and cause ourself more pain) in life because of our selfishness. Had I just said no, and made him stay home with Chris it would have made the night miserable. I would have run to the store (another chore...) and come home to a whiny little boy, a frustrated husband, and still have a list of things to do. I may have had some peace and quiet for 30 minutes, but more stress for the rest of the night.
Instead, because I "died to myself" in a sense, I got to spend some precious time with my little boy, getting to know him better and nourish his self-confidence. I came home to a relaxed husband. And, I feel good about this end to a long day.
Next time I hope that my first response is "YES! I would love to have you come with me and spend time with me!" But even if it's not, I hope that I quickly remember that the BEST things in life aren't free and cherish the little moments with my babies. :)
What are the hard lessons that you are learning with your littles?
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