Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our 6th anniversary! 6 years!!!
In some ways, it feels like we've been together forever, and in other ways (because of throwing 3 kids and a dog into our crazy mix!) it has felt like a speedy blur. But, on our utterly insane days and our laid back, enjoy the sunshine days, one thing is always the same: I love the man God gave me, and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
In some ways, it feels like we've been together forever, and in other ways (because of throwing 3 kids and a dog into our crazy mix!) it has felt like a speedy blur. But, on our utterly insane days and our laid back, enjoy the sunshine days, one thing is always the same: I love the man God gave me, and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
Yesterday, I couldn't help but reminisce over the last 6 years, and think about how different we are now from who we were then. How much we've grown, how much we've changed, how much life around us has changed. How much we've messed up, and how much we've learned. Now, we aren't perfect by any means, but we are still best friends, we still love to be together and spend time together, and I like to think that we are 6 years wiser than we were when this party started! ;)
So, today I'm going to share with you the top 6 things that I have learned about marriage, and the opportunities you have to make your marriage great. We still have a lot to learn and I'm sure at years 10, 20, 30, 50, and beyond I'll have much more wisdom to add to this list. But, for now, I'll share what I've found to be true. :)
So, today I'm going to share with you the top 6 things that I have learned about marriage, and the opportunities you have to make your marriage great. We still have a lot to learn and I'm sure at years 10, 20, 30, 50, and beyond I'll have much more wisdom to add to this list. But, for now, I'll share what I've found to be true. :)
1. Spend time together!
Do things together, no matter what it is. Clean out the garage, watch a movie, go to the park, take a hike. Whatever it is, just do it together. When you were dating, you wanted to spend every waking moment together, right?! So, don't stop now! Being together and working together on things gives you a sense of teamwork and simply, it puts you in proximity so that you'll talk and keep learning about and challenging each other.
Chris and I love to go and do. On the weekends, we are usually in the car driving all over Austin to do whatever. (We love experiencing, so sometimes we will go to Home Slice and then walk around South Congress. Or lately, we will go to our soon-to-be town, Hutto, and drive around exploring. Or, we will go play in Bull Creek. Or we will take the kids to the splash pad. Or. Or. Or. We make sure to spend time together. Period.) All that time together and especially in the car gives us hours to talk about anything and everything. And, I guarantee you that we know each other better than anyone else on this Earth. And I like that. :)
Do things together, no matter what it is. Clean out the garage, watch a movie, go to the park, take a hike. Whatever it is, just do it together. When you were dating, you wanted to spend every waking moment together, right?! So, don't stop now! Being together and working together on things gives you a sense of teamwork and simply, it puts you in proximity so that you'll talk and keep learning about and challenging each other.
Chris and I love to go and do. On the weekends, we are usually in the car driving all over Austin to do whatever. (We love experiencing, so sometimes we will go to Home Slice and then walk around South Congress. Or lately, we will go to our soon-to-be town, Hutto, and drive around exploring. Or, we will go play in Bull Creek. Or we will take the kids to the splash pad. Or. Or. Or. We make sure to spend time together. Period.) All that time together and especially in the car gives us hours to talk about anything and everything. And, I guarantee you that we know each other better than anyone else on this Earth. And I like that. :)
2. Don't focus on the negative.
Y'all this was a hard one for me to learn. After lil man #2 was born, I had some fairly serious postpartum depression going on and I was just sad. I didn't even realize I was in it until I was out of it... But, once I was out of it, I had been in such a negative place for so long that my first reaction was to dwell on negative things. And lemme tell ya, that doesn't make for a happy life. When I was frustrated or angry, I would just continue thinking about all of the things that my husband did that made me frustrated and angry. Did that make me feel better? Of course not! Did it make my marriage better? Uh. No.
Then, I thought about Philippians 4:8 and Ephesians 2:8. Whatever is true, whatever is right, whatever is pure...if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about these things. And by grace you've been saved through faith...it is a gift of God.
That pierced my heart, y'all. Who was I to be adding up my husband's faults and probably over-exaggerating in my mind because you do that when you're angry, right? when I have my own laundry list of faults not just against him, but first and foremost against God. And, I've been given grace. My very first reaction should be to give grace, especially to the man I love most in this world! So, I chose to start living by Phil. 4:8. Whenever I get frustrated, I start praying, and then I start thinking about Jesus, about grace, about things that are excellent and praiseworthy, and about the man my husband actually is. Because you know what? He's a pretty great man. He's an awesome man, a man that loves Jesus, loves me well, loves our kids well, and loves people. And, when you are a woman of grace and kindness, it's a lot easier for your husband to be gentle and loving to you too.
Y'all this was a hard one for me to learn. After lil man #2 was born, I had some fairly serious postpartum depression going on and I was just sad. I didn't even realize I was in it until I was out of it... But, once I was out of it, I had been in such a negative place for so long that my first reaction was to dwell on negative things. And lemme tell ya, that doesn't make for a happy life. When I was frustrated or angry, I would just continue thinking about all of the things that my husband did that made me frustrated and angry. Did that make me feel better? Of course not! Did it make my marriage better? Uh. No.
Then, I thought about Philippians 4:8 and Ephesians 2:8. Whatever is true, whatever is right, whatever is pure...if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about these things. And by grace you've been saved through faith...it is a gift of God.
That pierced my heart, y'all. Who was I to be adding up my husband's faults and probably over-exaggerating in my mind because you do that when you're angry, right? when I have my own laundry list of faults not just against him, but first and foremost against God. And, I've been given grace. My very first reaction should be to give grace, especially to the man I love most in this world! So, I chose to start living by Phil. 4:8. Whenever I get frustrated, I start praying, and then I start thinking about Jesus, about grace, about things that are excellent and praiseworthy, and about the man my husband actually is. Because you know what? He's a pretty great man. He's an awesome man, a man that loves Jesus, loves me well, loves our kids well, and loves people. And, when you are a woman of grace and kindness, it's a lot easier for your husband to be gentle and loving to you too.
3. Make goals, talk about the future, dream together!
Even if it never happens, I'm a firm believer in making plans and dreaming together! Why? Because every time you do, you are recommitting to your life together. You are putting yourselves on the same page. You are taking yourselves out of the moment (which at times can be overwhelming!) and dreaming of all of the possibilities ahead of you...together. No matter what age you are, life isn't over till it's over, so keep dreaming and enjoy life together!
Even if it never happens, I'm a firm believer in making plans and dreaming together! Why? Because every time you do, you are recommitting to your life together. You are putting yourselves on the same page. You are taking yourselves out of the moment (which at times can be overwhelming!) and dreaming of all of the possibilities ahead of you...together. No matter what age you are, life isn't over till it's over, so keep dreaming and enjoy life together!
4. Be content with what you have.
Sounds like a contradiction with #3, huh? But, it's not. Dream big and make goals, but also stop and recognize the beautiful life that you have. Sometimes, it is so easy for me to get caught up in the somedays that I don't stop to thank God for the amazing life I have now. I've got a wonderful husband and 3 adorable boys who are learning and growing and challenging me every day. I love my life. I love where we are at, and I'm thankful for what we have. I make sure to tell my husband that often because living off of one income is not always easy. So, I make sure to tell him how much I appreciate him, the work he does for our family so that I can stay home with our kids, and that I love our life together.
And, your husband needs to hear that too. That you are happy and content, and that you appreciate him and all of the hard work he puts in for your family. The quickest way to kill your husband's spirit (and your marriage for that matter) is to be discontent with where you are at in life. That alone will make him feel like he's failed you, your kids, and himself. :( So, be content with your life and then be your husband and your family's biggest cheerleader! Make goals and plans, but choose to be happy even if those things never happen!
Sounds like a contradiction with #3, huh? But, it's not. Dream big and make goals, but also stop and recognize the beautiful life that you have. Sometimes, it is so easy for me to get caught up in the somedays that I don't stop to thank God for the amazing life I have now. I've got a wonderful husband and 3 adorable boys who are learning and growing and challenging me every day. I love my life. I love where we are at, and I'm thankful for what we have. I make sure to tell my husband that often because living off of one income is not always easy. So, I make sure to tell him how much I appreciate him, the work he does for our family so that I can stay home with our kids, and that I love our life together.
And, your husband needs to hear that too. That you are happy and content, and that you appreciate him and all of the hard work he puts in for your family. The quickest way to kill your husband's spirit (and your marriage for that matter) is to be discontent with where you are at in life. That alone will make him feel like he's failed you, your kids, and himself. :( So, be content with your life and then be your husband and your family's biggest cheerleader! Make goals and plans, but choose to be happy even if those things never happen!
5. Get on the same page with money.
Y'all, money fights are some of the biggest issues that married couples face. This one can be challenging, but find a plan that works for you and follow through with it. Make a plan for your money and then make the team effort to reach your goals! When we read Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey, it changed our life. And I think brought us closer together. You can read about our debt-free journey and how we budget here.
Y'all, money fights are some of the biggest issues that married couples face. This one can be challenging, but find a plan that works for you and follow through with it. Make a plan for your money and then make the team effort to reach your goals! When we read Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey, it changed our life. And I think brought us closer together. You can read about our debt-free journey and how we budget here.
6. Find out each other's love language and do nice things for each other.
Y'all, if you haven't read the 5 Love Languages, you really really should consider it. The basic premise is that we all give and receive love in different ways. Naturally, we tend to give love the same way that we receive it, but most of the time our spouse does not receive love the same way. So, while you are trying to do things to make them feel loved, you fail miserably because you aren't speaking their love language. The book explains the 5 love languages and helps you discover each of your primary ones. Once you know them, go out of your way to do nice things for your spouse even if you hate it because you are investing in your marriage. Choose to make them feel respected, loved, and valued highly.
An example? My husband's primary love language is Acts of Service. So, if I wake up in the morning and iron his shirt for work, that makes him feel loved. Sometimes I make his lunch. (Sometimes I'm terrible at that one!) The fact that I try to have the house picked up before he gets home from work, and do the dishes and the laundry. All of he things that I do for him and our family, he sees as acts of service and feels loved by me.
The goal here is to make sure that your spouse feels highly regarded. Love is an action. Love does things. So, find out what actions you can take to really love your spouse and go for it! :)
Y'all, if you haven't read the 5 Love Languages, you really really should consider it. The basic premise is that we all give and receive love in different ways. Naturally, we tend to give love the same way that we receive it, but most of the time our spouse does not receive love the same way. So, while you are trying to do things to make them feel loved, you fail miserably because you aren't speaking their love language. The book explains the 5 love languages and helps you discover each of your primary ones. Once you know them, go out of your way to do nice things for your spouse even if you hate it because you are investing in your marriage. Choose to make them feel respected, loved, and valued highly.
An example? My husband's primary love language is Acts of Service. So, if I wake up in the morning and iron his shirt for work, that makes him feel loved. Sometimes I make his lunch. (Sometimes I'm terrible at that one!) The fact that I try to have the house picked up before he gets home from work, and do the dishes and the laundry. All of he things that I do for him and our family, he sees as acts of service and feels loved by me.
The goal here is to make sure that your spouse feels highly regarded. Love is an action. Love does things. So, find out what actions you can take to really love your spouse and go for it! :)
7. And. I'll throw an extra one in there... Reminisce.
Reminisce together and often. Remember where you came from. Remember how great life has been together, or the struggles that you've overcome if it hasn't always been great. Remember why you fell in love, remember all of the awesome things your spouse has done for you, remember all of the fun things you have done together, remember the ways that you've seen God work on the two of you! Remembering breeds thankfulness so remember how much you love your spouse, and how much he loves you!
Reminisce together and often. Remember where you came from. Remember how great life has been together, or the struggles that you've overcome if it hasn't always been great. Remember why you fell in love, remember all of the awesome things your spouse has done for you, remember all of the fun things you have done together, remember the ways that you've seen God work on the two of you! Remembering breeds thankfulness so remember how much you love your spouse, and how much he loves you!
How long have you been married? What would you add to this list?
Here are some great resources, if you are interested. They are affiliate links, but every book has been so so helpful to us! I wouldn't recommend it if I didn't love it!
What books would you add as must-reads for marriage?
Here are some great resources, if you are interested. They are affiliate links, but every book has been so so helpful to us! I wouldn't recommend it if I didn't love it!
What books would you add as must-reads for marriage?